You are traumatized, woman.
Your whole self is one big string of survival mechanisms
And so you have become toxic
You reached out so many times and each time you were pushed away
And when you tried to run away and you were pulled back in
So now you are chaotic
And where ever you go this chaos follows
You manifest it
In each wound that is cut so deeply
And the world re opens them again and again
The world is what has stopped them from healing
Ripped apart endlessly
You sew them shut hastily before you could clean them out
And mold grows thick and black inside
You don’t make sense (On the surface)
But there is a reason for each lie, each manipulation, each outburst
You break yourself. You run away and stand your ground, but always at the wrong times.
So you stay so stuck
Your misery is the only thing you have left
When it’s all youve ever known
There’s a comfort in it- familiarity
And you are terrified to change
Of being not broken. Of being not yourself anymore
Because the only thing you’ve attached to is your own self hatred
So you make those who love you crazy
And you are so hurt- you are so alone.
There is a reason for everything you do.
There is a cause. There are people who caused this.
But you are toxic. You are dangerous.
And I can no longer love you like I did.