Toxic Women I Have Loved

You are traumatized, woman.

Your whole self is one big string of survival mechanisms

And so you have become toxic

You reached out so many times and each time you were pushed away

And when you tried to run away and you were pulled back in

So now you are chaotic

And where ever you go this chaos follows

You manifest it

In each wound that is cut so deeply

And the world re opens them again and again

The world is what has stopped them from healing

Ripped apart endlessly

You sew them shut hastily before you could clean them out

And mold grows thick and black inside

You don’t make sense (On the surface)

But there is a reason for each lie, each manipulation, each outburst

You break yourself. You run away and stand your ground, but always at the wrong times.

So you stay so stuck

Your misery is the only thing you have left

When it’s all youve ever known

There’s a comfort in it- familiarity

And you are terrified to change

Of being not broken. Of being not yourself anymore

Because the only thing you’ve attached to is your own self hatred

So you make those who love you crazy

And you are so hurt- you are so alone.

There is a reason for everything you do.

There is a cause. There are people who caused this.

But you are toxic. You are dangerous.

And I can no longer love you like I did.